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Rank: Busy Member  Joined: 03/02/2007 Posts: 8,056
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...someone talk to me or tell me a joke or something or anything just to keep me from killing the boredom with a bar of whole nut... weather is ugh! hubby is poorly! got no mojo and the choccie is calling . I have cleaned up , changed beds, read book, trawled internet, done some sewing and still the choccie is calling help
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Rank: Busy Member  Joined: 15/10/2005 Posts: 3,364
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Give in and eat the chocolate, I'll help x LindaV 
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Rank: Busy Member  Joined: 28/03/2004 Posts: 407
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As the man once sang, There ain't no cure for the summertime blues 
I blame the monsoon....
Jan xx JanAng Measure twice, cut once
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Rank: Busy Member  Joined: 17/03/2006 Posts: 3,909
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1. WHEN NO ONE UNDERSTANDS YOU, CHOCOLATE IS THERE.
--SR. COCOA LOCO (aka Daniel Worona) 2. SEVEN DAYS WITHOUT CHOCOLATE MAKES ONE WEAK. 3. I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT. I AM CHOCOLATE-ENRICHED.
4. EINSTEIN WAS EATING CHOCOLATE WHEN HE CAME UPON THE THEORY OF RELATIVITY.
--Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" 5. THE 12-STEP CHOCOHOLICS PROGRAM: NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!
6. LIFE WITHOUT CHOCOLATE IS NO LIFE AT ALL.
7. I WANT IT ALL!!! AND I WANT IT SMOTHERED IN WHIPPED CREAM AND CHOCOLATE.
8. CHOCOLATE IS CHEAPER THAN THERAPY, AND YOU DON'T NEED AN APPOINTMENT.
9. THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THAN A GOOD FRIEND, EXCEPT A GOOD FRIEND WITH CHOCOLATE.
10. CHOCOLATE DOESN'T MAKE THE WORLD GO AROUND. BUT IT CERTAINLY MAKES THE TRIP WORTHWHILE.
11. AND ON THE EIGHTH DAY GOD CREATED CHOCOLATE.
12. IN HEAVEN, CHOCOLATE HAS NO CALORIES AND IS SERVED AS THE MAIN COURSE.
13. THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE CHOCOLATE. 14. Q. HOW MANY CALORIES ARE THERE IN A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE?
A. WHO CARES?
--Daniella "Cocoa Chanel" aka "Cocoa Chanelle"
15. SO MUCH CHOCOLATE. SO LITTLE TIME! 16. IF THERE IS NO CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I'M NOT GOING! 17. I ONLY EAT CHOCOLATE FOR YOU, SO THERE WILL BE MORE OF ME TO LOVE. 18. DO NOT DISTURB: CHOCOLATE FANTASY IN PROGRESS. 19. THE BEST OVER-THE-COUNTER PRESCRIPTION TO PERK YOU UP IS CHOCOLATE. 20. DON'T SEND ME ROSES, UNLESS THEY ARE CHOCOLATE! 21. THERE ARE TWO FOOD GROUPS: CHOCOLATE AND FRUIT. AND IF IT IS FRUIT, IT SHOULD BE DIPPED IN CHOCOLATE. 22. THERE IS NO CHOCOLATE'S ANONYMOUS BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO QUIT. 23. WHO SAYS CHOCOLATE ISN'T A FOOD GROUP!! 24. ONE OF LIFE'S MYSTERIES IS HOW A TWO-POUND BOX OF CANDY CAN MAKE A PERSON GAIN FIVE POUNDS. 25. TAKE ANOTHER DEEP BREATH, AND DO WITHOUT THAT CHOCOLATE CAKE! NOT! 26. SAVE EARTH. IT'S THE ONLY PLANET WITH CHOCOLATE. -Sr. COCOA LOCA, Mr. Cocoa Channel 27. IN THE COOKIES OF LIFE, FRIENDS ARE THE CHOCOLATE CHIPS. 28. LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES. . . FULL OF NUTS. 29. THOSE CALORIE-FREE SWEETS TASTE GREAT DIPPED IN CHOCOLATE! 30. CHOCOLATE COMES WITH ITS PRICE. . . CONTROL-TOP HOSE. 31. WHAT CAME FIRST, WOMAN OR THE CHOCOLATE BAR? 32. CHOCOLATE. . . IT ISN'T JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE. 33. (THIS SPACE RESERVED FOR THE FUNNY CHOCOLATE SAYING YOU ARE GOING TO E-MAIL TO ME.) 34. I WOULD GIVE UP CHOCOLATE, BUT I'M NO QUITTER.
35. MILK CHOCOLATE IS A DAIRY PRODUCT.
36. IF GOD HAD MEANT US TO BE THIN, HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED CHOCOLATE.
37. IF I EVER NEED RELIGION, I'LL WORSHIP CHOCOLATE CAKE.
38. IF IT AIN'T CHOCOLATE, IT AIN'T BREAKFAST!
39. THERE'S NOTHING BETTER THAN A GOOD FRIEND, EXCEPT A GOOD FRIEND WITH CHOCOLATE
40. CHOCOLATE: HERE TODAY... GONE TODAY!
--Daniel Worona
(aka SR. COCOA LOCO, Daniella "Cocoa Chanel", "Cocoa Chanelle") 41. MAN CANNOT LIVE BY CHOCOLATE ALONE, BUT IT SURE IS FUN TRYING. 42. CHOCOLATE MILK: THE POOR MAN'S CHAMPAGNE. 43. FLOWERS WILT, JEWELRY TARNISHES, AND CANDLES BURN OUT...BUT CHOCOLATE DOESN'T HANG AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO GET OLD.
44. BEWARE OF CHOCOLATE SQUARES!: A: SQUARE SWEETS MAKE YOU ROUND.
--Daniel Worona (aka SR. COCOA LOCO) B: SQUARE SWEETS MAKE BIG SEATS. --Daniel Worona
DID THAT HELP ANY???? Nah didn't think so lol  Bubbles ******************************Always smile, it makes others wonder what you are up to!!!
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Rank: Busy Member Joined: 03/02/2007 Posts: 8,056
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LindaV wrote:Give in and eat the chocolate, I'll help x Yes miss ....nom nom 
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Rank: Busy Member Joined: 03/02/2007 Posts: 8,056
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Yes bubbles I agree with most of that especially no:34 :)
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Rank: Busy Member Joined: 15/10/2005 Posts: 3,364
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The Irish Bic Lighter
Bob and Ralph were fishing on the
Irish shoreline when Bob
pulled out a cigar. Finding he had
no matches,he asked Ralph for a light.
'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,'
Ralph replied with an Irish
accent, and then reaching into his tackle
box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
'My God, man!' exclaimed Bob,taking
the huge Bic Lighter in his hands.
'Where'd yew git dat monster?'
'Well,' replied Ralph,
'I got it from my Genie.'
'You haff a Genie?' Bob asked.
'Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle
Box,' says Ralph.
'Could I see him?'
Ralph opens his tackle box and
sure enough, out pops the Genie.
Addressing the Genie,Bob says,
'Hey dere! I'm a good pal of
your master. Will you grant me
one wish?'
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Bob asks the Genie for a
million bucks. The Genie disappears
back into the tackle box leaving
Bob sitting there waiting for his million
bucks. Shortly,the Irish sky
Darkens and is filled with the sound of
a million ducks.....
flying directly overhead.
Over the roar of the million ducks
Bob yells at Ralph,
'What the hell? I asked for a million
bucks, not a million ducks!'
Ralph answers,
'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat DA Genie
is hard of hearing. Do yew really tink
I asked for a 10 inch Bic?' LindaV
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Rank: Busy Member Joined: 15/10/2005 Posts: 3,364
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A father buys a lie-detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that day.
The son says, "I did some homework." The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "OK, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son again.
Son says, "OK! OK! We were watching porn!"
Dad says, "What?? At your age I didn't even know what porn was!"
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son!"
The robot slaps the mother.
P.S.: Robot for sale
LindaV
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Rank: Busy Member Joined: 03/02/2007 Posts: 8,056
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 Linda  AAAaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh :)
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Rank: Busy Member  Joined: 10/02/2006 Posts: 829
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The Sharing Of Marriage
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his
wife
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.
As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.' As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything..'
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'
She answered
(Continue below - this is great)
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'THE TEETH.'
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Rank: Busy Member Joined: 15/10/2005 Posts: 3,364
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Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in HeathrowAirport
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'
Jim says, 'Me too. I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?'
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects.
Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'
Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'
Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'
Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..'
' Yeah, well there's just one thing.'
'What's that?'
'Have you farted yet?'
'No.'
'Well, DON'T - cause I'm in Athens '
LindaV
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Rank: Busy Member  Joined: 25/07/2005 Posts: 5,384
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Sorry I can never remember any jokes Alison  If you want the best seat in the house, move the cat  I was having such a great day.... then I got up!!  Have faith in yourself; believe that anything can be done;
do not let other people put you off; never give up.
Some people in our lives are like Angels; their very presence makes our world a brighter place  R.I.P Sandra; gone but not forgotten xxxx
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Rank: Busy Member Joined: 28/03/2004 Posts: 407
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RECIPE:
2 large bars of dark chocolate
1 tin condensed milk (the lite version, natch)
100g butter
100g icing sugar
1tbspn Amaretto / or your favourite liqueur
Melt the butter and chocolate gently and stir to mix. Add the condensed milk and stir to mix. Fold in the icing sugar and add the liqueur. If you can wait, let cool.
SERVES: one
Jan xx JanAng Measure twice, cut once
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Rank: Busy Member  Joined: 30/12/2007 Posts: 1,873
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Did you know that you can get Viagra in powder form now and add it to your tea? It won't enhance your sexual performance but it stops your biscuit from going soft!
Laney Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
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Rank: Busy Member Joined: 30/12/2007 Posts: 1,873
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And Ang, just looooove that recipe! lol xx Laney Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
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Rank: Busy Member Joined: 28/03/2004 Posts: 407
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If Pickle disappears for a while she's in the kitchen trying it out - and if she disappears for good, Death By Chocolate strikes again!
( Viagra eyedropsfor gangsters .......to make you look hard)
Jan xx JanAng Measure twice, cut once
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Rank: Busy Member
Joined: 30/04/2006
Posts: 1,918
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Lovely just lovely, thank you all jackeen
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Rank: Busy Member Joined: 03/02/2007 Posts: 8,056
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JanAng wrote:If Pickle disappears for a while she's in the kitchen trying it out - and if she disappears for good, Death By Chocolate strikes again!
(Viagra eyedropsfor gangsters .......to make you look hard)
Jan xx I have not died...yet lol And that is well funny !
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Rank: Busy Member  Joined: 20/12/2008 Posts: 214
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Mmmmmmm...can't think of any jokes but think I'll have to bake some brownies. Destiny is not a matter of chance... It is a matter of Choice. "A sure sign of a good book is that you like it more the older you get."
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Rank: Busy Member  Joined: 07/07/2007 Posts: 2,198
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pickle wrote:...someone talk to me or tell me a joke or something or anything just to keep me from killing the boredom with a bar of whole nut... weather is ugh! hubby is poorly! got no mojo and the choccie is calling . I have cleaned up , changed beds, read book, trawled internet, done some sewing and still the choccie is calling help
Thats what I just ate for same reason. Lol Lynn
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